“Feel like getting lots of work done this afternoon? Forget that. Pay attention and get ready to kiss the rest of your day’s productivity goodbye, because once this week’s freebie sinks its jaws into you, you’ll have to gnaw your own limbs off to escape. Today, sweet blissful doom comes in three delicious words: Super Crate Box. Play it. Fear it. Love it. Obey.”
“Anyone familiar with arcade-style racing games will know that one turbo is never really enough, but is there such a thing as just too much turbo? Messhof, the maker of this week’s wild and crazy freebie, doesn’t seem to think so, and we tend to agree. Turbo Turbo Turbo is all about firing up your engines, beating the snot out of bar patrons, chugging lots of “turbosauce,” and running opponents off the road. Now that’s our kind of racing game.”
It’s pretty rare that I’d devote half a year to a single article, but I’ve been working on a piece exploring the different angles of the so-called “Death of Print” ever since I sat in on a panel of the same name at PAX East. Though that panel discussion was quite interesting, I wanted to take a broader look at the subject and gather perspective from other editorial folks across the gaming industry, so I spent quite a bit of time wrangling interviews. Though the finished piece was originally slated to run in a print issue of GamePro, the decision was made to have it only appear on GamePro.com. It’s ironic, perhaps, but I’m glad to see it finally out, and I’m really happy to see it has retained its massive length. Many thanks to the excellent editors who took the time out of their busy schedules for interviews for the piece.
Feel free to mosey on over to check out the full feature here at GamePro.
“In the dusty plains and sweltering heat of the Wild West, a man does not readily part ways with his trusty steed, particularly when four-legged transportation can make all the difference between life and death. Keeping one’s ride in good working order is important, but when a horse hurts a leg, getting it up and running again isn’t as easy as changing a spare tire. When his horse Argo gets hurt in the middle of the desert, Sheriff Sam has to man up and defend his pal with a six-shooter in hand until help arrives. Unfortunately for them, it seems every critter in the galaxy and beyond has suddenly developed a taste for horse meat.”
“I never thought it would be possible to have so much fun pressing just a single button over and over again. The space bar is your best friend in PlasmaPig, but the hordes of angry battleships that swarm in to attack your delicate fleet of pigs most certainly are not. With only a weak force field protecting each of the mother ships in your dwindling armada of porky space explorers, you’re the last line of defense to prevent them from being turned into intergalactic bacon.”
“When princesses (and other captured royalty, for that matter) are in need of serious rescuing from dastardly villains and fanged monsters, it’s rare that a hero just comes falling out of the sky to promptly save the day. However, in Vertical Drop Heroes, that’s exactly what happens. Every level seems to practically hemorrhage heroes, but most are in cages and are incapable of doing much besides twiddling their thumbs out of boredom. That’s where you come in. Setting them free – or as we prefer to look at it, consuming their souls – lets you steal their powers and carry the torch to glory.”
“Considering large carnivorous dinosaurs have been made out to be crazed eating machines capable of consuming many pounds of flesh and meat in a single sitting, it makes sense that every once and awhile they might want to find creative ways to shed a few extra pounds. Rather than sweating to the oldies with retro Richard Simmons videos to burn some calories, the lumbering dino in Treadmillasaurus Rex has opted for a more intensive workout routing that involves doom lasers, psychotic treadmills, psychedelic lighting effects and top hats.”
“Life can certainly be puzzling at times, but rarely is satisfying your basic needs as simple as slapping together a few blocks all willy-nilly. Well, conveniently enough, it is in Madtris. Life simulation and puzzle matching seem an unusual combination, yet this bizarre mix of Tetris and The Sims makes for a great mash-up. Connecting falling rooms containing little pixilated people in order to meet their most urgent needs and clear away the screen is a fun puzzle twist, and the special objectives in each stage add an extra layer of challenge to the quirky formula.”
“It may come as a surprise that sometimes unholy flesh eating denizens of hell can be so damn cute and disarming. While the concept of blowing the crap out of swarms of hungry zombies in a fight to stay alive amidst a world-ending undead apocalypse has been worn out heavily in the past few years, Big Pixel Zombies makes the same old formula irresistibly charming and fun again. It’s tough not to laugh at the grisly zombie faces painted on the large moving blocks that lumber towards your, presumably in an effort to eat your pixilated brains.”
“If you’ve ever had a freaky craving to suddenly fire shards of broken glass at weird bags of pulsating meat, then hoo boy do we have the right game for you. Many travels through the darkest, most obscure nether reaches of the freeware indie gaming world have unearthed some strange and beautiful projects, but scant few are as beautiful and creepy as Mirage. As far as we can tell, you play as a boy who fell in love with some girl, touched a magic mirror to peep her bodacious beauty, and then wind up cursed for being naughty. You’re suddenly trans”