Welcome to “WANT! ->” …my totally self-serving and excessively indulgent column highlighting super cool and WTF crazy stuff that…GAAAHHH!!! I MUST HAVE THIS VERY SECOND! I love to search the internet for oddities and weird things that suit my oddball consumer fancy. In this debut edition, I have uncovered the oh-so-mighty and majestic BACON WALLET! And that’s only the start of my salty meat-crazed trip down the bacon rabbit hole.

Bacon Wallet

WOW. I mean, just…WOW. Talk about putting your money where your mouth is. I wouldn’t feel even the slightest bit weird about carrying around a bacon wallet. No, not at all. So badass! And so delicious! I’m salivating right now. Throw some lettuce, tomato, and mayo in there, and it’s a party in my back pocket.

Fifty Shades of Bacon

As a fan of all things bacon, I’m feeling slightly aroused right now…in my STOMACH! BOOM! Bacon chocolate chip cookies? Bacon taco pizza? Bacon candy? I’m sold. This clever cookbook will handcuff you to the kitchen and have you begging for more…food. Errr. Yeah.

Bacon Air Freshener

Nothing says Sweet Pimpin’ Ride like the smell of freshly cooked bacon when you’re cruising along the main drag. The fact this exists blows my mind. I know I want my car to smell like salted cooked meats. Always. My wife might have a different take on the matter, however. I wonder how long it’d take her to notice one of THESE bad-boys.

Bacon Strips (Band-Aids)

How does that old saying go? Meat heals all? I dunno. This seems amazing though. “Hey what’s that on your hand? Is that…bacon?” “Naw dude, it’s a Bacon Strip.” “Oh. Ok.” Enough said, except…”Can I have a bite?”

My First Bacon Plushie

Why not get your little ones started early. This cute, huggable plush bacon dude says “I’m bacon!” when you squeeze him. His mouth also moves. Dawwww! I don’t even have kids and I want one of these things. Mostly to harass my cats with.

Maple Bacon Kettle Chips

Yes. These chips taste like you’re eating smoked bacon and syrup. It’s like a good hearty breakfast…but it’s chips. I ranted and raved about how much I love these in an actual review elsewhere on this site. Want to try them out but can’t find the locally? You can get them delivered to your freakin’ doorstep. YES!